After my previous post on common ‘odd/silly/way too obvious’
questions to parents of twins, today I’ll write about the most frequently asked
uncomfortable or very personal questions that parents of multiples come across
in their daily life. Mostly, these are questions you would probably never ask a
mom of one child or children of different ages, but somehow people think it’s
ok to ask a mother of multiples. Future parents of twins: as you will
undoubtedly hear these questions in the years to come, I would recommend you
read through them and try to prepare in advance, so that you can possibly avoid
some uncomfortable situations while visiting a public place with your twins.
Are they natural or
did you use fertility drugs?
Believe it or not, this is a very common question from
complete strangers. First of all, are you saying twins conceived after use of
fertility drugs are ‘not natural’? Second, this is really none of your
business! In my case, I don’t have any big problems with this question as my
twin pregnancy was really a ‘random act of nature’, not influenced by fertility
drugs or a family history of twins. However, I can imagine this question can be
received very differently by parents who have had to go through a long and
difficult process of fertility treatments before conceiving their twins.
Sometimes in order to not ask the fertility question literally, people will ask
instead if twins run in your family. Best short answer if you don’t want to
explain the whole story: ‘They do now!’
You had a c-section,
right?
No, I did not, and I’m very proud of it! But again,
depending on each different situation I can imagine this could be an
uncomfortable question, and not one you should ask a complete stranger in the
vegetables & fruits section of the supermarket.
Wow, twins! So now
you’re done, right?
Or even better: ‘I
guess you had your tubes tied after that, didn’t you?’ Well, thanks for helping
me decide that my family is complete now; however, I’d rather make that
decision myself, at home, together with my husband and when we’re ready for it
– not when asked by a stranger just a few weeks after having given birth to my
twins!
Can I have one? You
have two of them anyway!
This was probably the question that bothered me most in the
first weeks after our daughters were born. Every time we had to go somewhere
with our girls (usually the hospital for newborn checkups), we would get that
question several times from complete strangers. I’m still not sure if everyone
was joking or if some people really meant it seriously. However, as a very new
mom of two tiny and defenseless babies (and with my pregnancy hormones still
quite present), my first reaction used to be ‘No, they’re mine!’, while holding
whichever twin I had in my arms at that moment a little closer to my chest. Ok,
I probably did my best effort to smile to these people as long as I was sure
they were joking. The smile was only there on the outside, though. Inside, I
was screaming ‘don’t you dare to touch her!’.
Do/did you breastfeed
them?
I can imagine people must be curious to know how someone
would manage to breastfeed twins; however this is a very personal and possibly
difficult subject you shouldn’t ask about unless you know the mother well or
unless she is the one who starts to talk about it. So is breastfeeding twins
possible? Yes, certainly. And can you breastfeed both twins at the same time?
With a bit of practice, yes, certainly (2 breasts, 2 babies – seems like the
math is right). However, it’s not always as easy as just getting some practice
– keep in mind that many twins are premature babies and it’s not always
possible for them to learn how to get milk from the breast, which is why
additional or exclusive bottle-feeding might be necessary to make sure they’ll
gain enough weight. Some mothers might not have enough milk for both twins,
while other mothers might decide from the beginning to bottle-feed only (and
yes, you can bottle-feed both twins at the same time, too). Whatever the
situation is, it’s not something you should ask about when you come across a
mother of twins at the mall or in the supermarket. My recommendation for Moms
of twins: try to be prepared for this question with whatever answer feels best
for you (even if that’s a ‘None of your business’ kind of answer), and most
importantly: whatever your situation is, try to feel good about it (even if
things turned out differently than you wished or planned) and never let any
comments from others make you doubt about it!
Are you a parent of twins (or a twin yourself!) and have you
experienced any other uncomfortable or very personal questions? Or do you have
any good (or fun!) suggestions for answering these questions from strangers?
Feel free to share in a comment!
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